Sadako Moon

K was in my dreams last night. he comes up in my dreams sometimes. i saw him last week. it was 5 years since I saw him. he's so hot. i got all wet.

i love japanese men. i know is maybe obvious but i have seen lots of foreign men and they are ok. some get me hot. i like brown hair, brown eyes, smooth muscle. some foreign men look like it, but most do not. i don't like the weedy guys though. ugh. not good. not good. i don't want to marry japanese man. i don't want to marry at all. just fuck fucky fuck. i know it may be sick, but i like the craziness of rough sex. sometimes i even like the pain. but i don't like abuse. there is a big difference.

japanese guys are like perverts sometimes. but i like it. i am getting horny again. K was like pervert. he liked strange things. i didn't mind being with K. one of my more happy experiences. i don't think i will tell you what K liked. no. it might give him away.

i didn't get much sleep last night. yawn. must go back to sleep. have wetty dreams.

I talk about sex too much.

i made a kind of experiment. i watched myself in the mirror as i masturbated. like put my legs up and out while i did it. it was weird. i don't recommend it. i mean, a womans pussy is kind of big, and i didnt want to see a big pussy between my legs you know what i'm saying. so i don't recommend it. i had to do it though. i havent fucked for months. is that true? yes. i think its months. the last time. well, i wont tell you about the last time. too fucking weird! but very soon. i will go out on my own maybe on weekend and go fuck someone. ha ha. i mean really have sex with them. ah. i'm so horny now. maybe i will see you in omotesando or shibuya or some other dark place. it would be funny if i met someone who was reading this. ha ha. very funny. i would laugh.

the guy still hasn't called. i dont even know why i am waiting for the call. it doesn't make any difference.

truth is, i used to be a bad girl. well everyone called me a bad girl so maybe its what i was. i really dont know. i only know that i got money for things maybe shouldnt have. i dont care. they can kiss my fanny everyone who doesnt know me.

even now i remember that stuff and i know its made me what i am today. sitting in my room. wanting sex and not getting it. i have had lotsa sex. stuff you dont want to know about. its enough. i have had enough of all that. but sometimes. ha. sometimes i get the urge to go and be bad, you know what im saying? and i get this itch in my belly that goes all the way down to my toes and thats when i masturbate. of course. i masturbate maybe twice a day sometimes. it gets me in that way. that little itch. i wish i had bigger tits. but when i was 16 it didnt matter. men never looked at my tits.

gone awhile. been sick. without going into details, i have some problems. nothing serious. but i've needed some treatment, so there's a long break. met a guy. he's pretty fucked up though. he called me last week, wanting to talk. but. I didn't want to talk! i hate talking on the phone. so much can go wrong when you talk on the phone. and as i said. I don't like phones anyway. too much interference and ghosts. he called twice that day. then again on the next day. but he hasn't called since.

maybe he wants to go out on a date. and i can't handle dates right now. it means going outside. and talking to people. if i am outside by myself its ok. i don't have to talk. i can be invisible. but too much pressure to go with someone. maybe i can bring him home and tie him up and have my way! that might be ok. but first it means talking on the phone and i can't. do. it. yet.

i want to have someone here. i want it without my mom knowing. i want to be real quiet and fuck someone on the washing machine or something.

does anyone find earthquakes soothing? i do. my sister always got scared in a earthquake and dived under our kitchen table. but they are so soothing, like an armchair, rock rock rockabyebaby, puts me to sleep. sis always woke up and woke me up during the night if a earthquake came. i'm so scared, she said. pussy. i always sleep better in a earthquake. dont you?

there is a strange humming in our house. like airconditioning or something, but more like a swarm of bees trapped in the walls. it presses in on my ears some nights, but sometimes its not there at all. mom hears it but it doesnt bother her she thinks im being paronoid.